He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.