using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?