I'm going to jail i love you
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.