I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.