So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
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walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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