she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
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i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
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I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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