Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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