Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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