Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
