Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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