Jerry, you need to find god
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
