Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
