your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
