I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
there is glitter all over my balls
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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