how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
