i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
