Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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