He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He did a backflip because drugs
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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