she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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