omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
