Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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