Don't make out with my wife yet
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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