so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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