physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
