dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
