Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
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There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
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I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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