the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
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forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
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I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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