I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
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He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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