I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
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She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
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This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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