She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
