Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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