I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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