My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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