I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
