census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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