More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
