the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
