I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize