i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
