my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
