It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize