I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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