If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself