It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.