mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt