You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.