your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.