The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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