pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Duck Duck Cougar?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead