we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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