If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
