do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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