Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
