Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream