3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.