When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.