You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well