turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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