I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
