We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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