She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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