Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The Olympian is in my bed
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